Daily Fail: New York Sports Broadcasting, I Don't Want To Be A Part Of It

Charlie Klein

I have had this rant brewing in my mind for the past month. During my week in New York I was forcefully reminded of how classless and amateur some of the sports radio and broadcasting teams were. My targets for today are Mike Francesa, John Sterling, and Suzyn Waldman.

First I shall assualt Francesa. I remember one time in particular where the banality of being stuck in Manhattan traffic was commensurate with the redundancy of Mike Francesa on WFAN. His controversy of choice for that illuminating hour was the Mets' decision to stick with Citi for the naming rights of their new stadium. For the better part of an hour, Francesa repeated the following phrase, "The Mets can't win, they can only lose." The man is so trail blazing that he uses the same techniques constantly. "Is he gonna hit 40 HR's a year? absolutely. Is he going to be a bad defensive player? Yes. Should the Mets trade for Adam Dunn? Definitely." The fact that this overweight man with an irritating New York accent gets paid about two million dollars a year to be a ruhtard pains me to no end. Boom! ROASTED!

Now batting, the New York Yankees play-by-play man, John Sterling! Surely there is no greater douche bag in play-by-play in Major League Baseball. The man is flambouyant to a fault, announcing every pitch, "Thhhhhhhhheeeee pitch" and every swing "cuuuuttttt on..." The call that probably drives all non-Yankee fans into a frenzy is his orgasmic yell of "THHHHHHHHHEEEEE Yankees win!" His inability to call a homerun these days has many observers keeling over in fits of laughter. Surely the move to the New Yankee Stadium has messed with his head! Practically any ball hit to the outfield has a chance of being a homerun in that bandbox. He now regularly calls, "the 0-1 pitch to Swisher, swung on and hit hard, IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS.... caught by Crawford, 2 out here in the fifth." His A-bombs from A-Rod and Tex Messages from Teixeira bear the veneer of cleverness but when uttered by Sterling just sound cheesy. And Sterling's favourite baseball catechism is the most obvious statement any broadcaster could make. "You can't predict baseball." If I had a dime for every time Sterling said that I would have been able to fund a trip to South Africa for the 2010 World Cup.

Finally, in a fit of sheer exasperation, I will now roast Suzyn Waldman. The woman is so blatantly untalented that she makes even Sterling look like a Frick award winner. Most of her diamond cuts are comments that repeat exactly what Sterling just said about what happened on the field. "Matsui grounds out to Overbay at first, he trots to the bag unassisted, and there's one out here in the second." Then Waldman adds, "You know John Matsui just hit it right on the button at Overbay, and he just walked over to first base to retire Hideki." HOW ILLUMINATING! Waldman's greatest moment came when the Yankees decided to bring Roger Clemens back for a one year contract worth 28 million dollars. Her reaction to it shows her lack of professionalism. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fdtn0Z4o8cM). If you were to listen to a broadcast of a Yankees game where they got crushed by the Red Sox and were never told the score, you would think the Yankees were the better team. That's how bad it is in New York these days.