Men Of A Certain Age

Charlie Klein

This spring in Seattle, Washington an experiment began. The scientists hypothesized that if they were to construct a team built around defense and pitching, that the wins would simply roll in the way snow slides down a mountain in an avalanche. They also hypothesized that their new emphasis on speed and getting on base would make up for the team's lack of power.

A month and a half into this procedure, a few things have become fairly obvious. One, the team cannot score runs. The Mariners are second to last in runs scored, last in homeruns and third to last in batting average. And that is with Ichiro Suzuki hitting .330. Chone Figgins' batting average does little to suggest why the Mariners thought it wise to pay him nine million a season. Milton Bradley, when in the lineup, has offered very little and Jose Lopez's continued inability to be selective at the plate has continued to cost the team runs.

Two, the principle designated hitters on this roster do not hit. One cannot afford to be punting offense from a position in which one cannot get anything else from. Mike Sweeney and Ken Griffey Jr. are too old and far past their primes. Like Ray Romano on his new show on TNT, Men Of A Certain Age, Griffey and Sweeney are better served remeniscing over beers at F.X. Mcrory's watching the Mariners on television than in the M's lineup.

I think by now everyone is familiar with 'The Nap Heard 'Round The World.' Whether or not it is actually true is one thing, but what it says about a team currently in a state of flux is that they are not together as a unit. More importantly, that grandfatherly presence of Griffey for the younger players on the roster appears to be nonexistent. If you love your grandfather, you don't go run and tell grandma that he's asleep in the recliner (which by the way Griffey has at his locker, I've seen it, and it's something he's had for most of his career).

As one of his staunchest supporters around, it must come as a shock to read me blasting him, but it is time for him to hang it up. I love the guy to death, but it is time for him to stop damaging his reputation in the one part of the baseball world where many thought that feat unimaginable.

Griffey, let us Seattle fans remember you for your courage and unbelievable talent and not for the 40+ man napping in a lazy boy. For most Mariners fans my age, watching Griffey now feels the same as how Mr. Fredrickson feels when he realizes his boyhood hero Herman Muntz is really a poaching douche bag.

I feel similarly about Mike Sweeney. There are few men in baseball who are as good a guy as Sweeney is. He wrote and signed letters for my graduating class at elementary school in Kansas. My father and I met his dad at Camden Yards for Orioles Opening Day in 1999. But it is time to face facts. The man cannot hit anymore. He cannot field anymore. So why is he on this team? It would be different if the roster had 40 spots and not 25. Then the Mariners could mask the aging legs of Sweeney and Griffey. But in a group of 25, they stick out like a boiler on a pre-pubescent nerd's face.

When Ryan Langerhans has outproduced both of your team's DH's in a few games, it is time for change. Michael Saunders has in his brief call-up demonstrated that he has the ability to play the field well and can hit Major League pitching. Langerhans has been hitting well and provides the manager a lot more options than Sweeney and Griffey do. When Milton Bradley returns to the roster M's management will be forced to make a difficult decision. The right one would be to designate Mike Sweeney for assignment, and quitely ask Griffey to think about a phased withdrawal. Like how the United States handled the War In Iraq, the Mariners must be careful in keeping Griffey and the fan base happy. Nothing will make Mariners fans feel better than to watch their team win and Griffey go out in style. If he's still on this roster by the end of June, it will be time for a new exit strategy.

I fully expect GM Jack Zduriencik to make a few moves to improve this team. While their record does not show it, the pitching the Mariners have recieved from all five of their starters has been outstanding. With Erik Bedard set to throw a simulated game today or tomorrow (weather permitting), things will only improve in that department. One has to expect Figgins and Lopez to hit better based on prior statistics, and maybe, just maybe, Milton Bradley returns and offers this team something as a DH. Most of the pieces for an AL West division winner are there, it is just going to take a few tough and smart people making the decisions necessary to unlock that potential.

OH and Russell Branyan hit two homeruns last night.